Optimistic love VS Pessimistic love…

Disclaimer: This post obviously doesn’t apply to every single person on this planet. These are just some of the things I’ve observed. I also ran my thoughts by a slew of other people…. Alright, let’s get to it…


I’ve realised that men love differently from women…well duh…that’s because they are different. Men are usually more “conscious” when it comes to matters of the heart. They are the type of people that would be more inclined to say things like “I couldn’t allow myself…..I didn’t want to….. I handle it this way because…. I do things my way to protect my feelings….etc etc”….and honestly….. I commend them for that. That’s the “smart” way to love. They put themselves first. Some people may counter me by saying that “Love has no boundaries, it’s unconditional…” etc… but love is also blind and can be very stupid. I may not be able to define love for you… But what I do know is, how powerful it is. Love can make you create new life and it can also make you KILL….

Let that marinate.

Everyone has their own perception of what love really is, we can’t really put a label on it. We also can’t really define love based on any one else’s relationship except our own… And only from our side of the fence. You can’t even be positive that the person you love, loves you back. Every single person is going to handle how they love someone very differently. The thing is, we want it to be all these perfect things but we aren’t perfect people so how is that even a possibility?.


I’ve always wondered why society is so quick to assume that someone didn’t love their partner because they killed them? I am not DEFENDING murder at all, I’m just saying maybe in THEIR head, they believed they loved that person so much that they couldn’t stand the thought of not having them in their life or anyone else being with them…Hmmm

Anyway, let me not get sidetracked…

The majority of us women have “stupid love”… “optimistic love”…. That’s the love with no boundaries… The kind of love that always puts our partner’s needs before our own…The love that always makes us feel like we always have to prove ourselves… The insecure love that makes us think, we “can’t and won’t, and shouldn’t ever love anyone ever again if THIS relationship doesn’t work out”… The “I need him” love… The “I would rather ride till I die than lose my man” love…The “You broke my heart and betrayed my trust, but I miss you so I’ll just act like nothing happened so we can go back to being happy” love…The “I will do anything to fix us even though we are completely broken” love…The “I’m going to park all my dreams so you can go after your own” love… The “he’ll “come around” once the baby is here” love… The “he only hits me because he really loves me” love…. The “He cheats, but at the end of the day he knows where home is” love…..The “I know he loves me even though he doesn’t say it much or show it” love…

I’m sure you get the gist…..and I’m not saying that loving someone in those ways is NOT love. It’s subjective. I’m just saying that as women, many of us tend to “OVER” love in the wrong ways and 9 times out of 10 we are the ones that are left broken beyond repair while the men carry on like nothing happened. We love in an unhealthy way…A dependent way… An insecure way…..A toxic way and as difficult as it is to accept, we have no one to blame for it, but ourselves. We put ourselves through the pain by giving away so much of ourselves without guarding our hearts first.

On the opposite side of the fence, men are just wired completely different. They have “smart love”…. “pessimistic love”…. The “I know what women are capable of” love… The “if you cheat, we are done or I’m beating you the fuck up” love… The “I’m not ready for a baby yet” love…. The “I’m no good for you until I get myself together” love…. The confident,” I don’t give this love to everybody” love… The “This is me, take it or leave it” love… The “you should be grateful I chose you” love…the “I’ll say it when its necessary and not burn the word “love” out” love… The “I can’t allow myself to get in too deep with you or else I might try to kill you one day” love… Moderation love.

I really don’t know about know about you, but I definitely know which one I would opt for if the opportunity to re wire myself was to ever present itself. My personal favourites are the “You don’t know what you got till its gone” love…the “I’ve never experienced a love like this” love. I particularly love those two because they are genuine… tested… and analysed.

They are the “either we’re meant to be together or we’re not” love… The “I have options and I know my worth so cherish me and respect me before it’s too late” love… The “I love you too much to ever physically hurt you” love… The “communication” is key” love… The “I respect his or her privacy because I genuinely have never been given a reason not to trust my partner” love… The “they may not be the best but they’re far from the worst” love… The “I’ll compromise but don’t need to CHANGE myself” love. etc.etc. I’m sure a lot of people would agree that, being with someone who doesn’t value you as much as you value them is the most hurtful thing you can ever put yourself through. That constant sense of uncertainty mixed with confusion and frustration can be damaging and is enough to drive you completely insane.

Loving optimistically is risky business these days… I want to also be capable of loving consciously…I want to love how men love because they hold on to their identity, even when loving someone else… That’s something that some of us females tend to lose when we “fall in love.” We give it everything we have and forget to pour into ourselves just as much. And if someone really loves YOU, you shouldn’t have to change every aspect of yourself to accommodate them. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that they are obligated to love you back. People go the extra mile trying to MAKE the person they love want them in the same manner and that’s how people end up getting used and taken for granted all because we are offering SO much as bait. The person who is being captured is being drawn in for all the wrong reasons. We basically break our own hearts. Moderation is the healthiest way to love and live…

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